What Is an Illusion (And Why We Create Them)

For a long time, I thought illusions were lies.

Things we told ourselves because we were weak.

Or avoidant.

Or kidding ourselves.

But that’s not what I’ve come to understand at all.

Illusions aren’t there to deceive us.

They’re there to protect us.

We don’t create illusions because we’re stupid or dishonest.

We create them because, at the time, we don’t have the tools to deal with reality.

So the mind does what it’s always done best.

It fills in the gaps.

Illusions as Protection

When you don’t know how to handle something emotionally, your mind finds another way.

If you don’t know how to deal with rejection, you create a story that explains it away.

If you don’t know how to sit with loneliness, you convince yourself you don’t need anyone.

If you don’t know how to face disappointment, you imagine something better just around the corner.

Not because you’re weak.

But because you’re trying to survive.

Illusions are temporary scaffolding.

They hold you up until you can stand on your own.

The problem is, most of us never realise that was the job.

So we keep the scaffolding long after the building is finished.

Why Illusions Feel So Real

An illusion isn’t a fantasy.

It’s not daydreaming.

It’s not pretending.

An illusion feels real because it’s built out of emotion, not logic.

It’s created at moments where:

• you felt unsafe
• overwhelmed
• powerless
• unseen
• or alone

And once it’s created, the mind will protect it fiercely.

Because if the illusion falls apart, you’re forced to feel the thing you were avoiding in the first place.

That’s why people defend their illusions.

That’s why they perform.

That’s why they double down.

Not because they’re fake.

But because the alternative feels unbearable.

Living Above or Below Reality

Here’s a way to think about it.

Imagine your life happening in a building.

To actually live properly — work, connect, decide, enjoy — you need to be on the ground floor.

That’s where reality is.

That’s where things are proportionate.

That’s where you can see clearly.

But many of us don’t live there for long.

Some people live on the roof:

• constant pressure
• anxiety
• urgency
• performance
• “just push through”

Others live in the basement:

• withdrawal
• hopelessness
• numbing
• rumination
• escape

When you’re living at either extreme, you can’t see reality properly.

And that’s where illusions thrive.

Up high, the illusion sounds like:

“This stress is worth it. I’m nearly there.”

Down low, it sounds like:

“This is just who I am. Nothing will change.”

Both are stories.

Both feel convincing.

Neither are grounded in reality.

Why Therapy Changes Everything

Before therapy, I didn’t know I was living inside illusions.

I thought I was being realistic.

I thought I was being rational.

I thought I “knew how things were”.

But I was reacting with the tools of a child, not an adult.

Therapy didn’t give me answers.

It gave me capacity.

Capacity to:

• sit with discomfort
• tolerate uncertainty
• feel rejection without collapsing
• stay present instead of escaping

And as those tools developed, something strange happened.

The illusions started to fall away on their own.

Not dramatically.

Not all at once.

They just… stopped being needed.

When Illusions Collapse

People talk about “awakening” like it’s beautiful.

Sometimes it is.

Sometimes it’s brutal.

When an illusion collapses, it often feels like:

• grief
• confusion
• anger
• embarrassment
• lossI’lll

Because you’re not just losing a belief.

You’re losing the protection it provided.

That’s why people often rush to replace one illusion with another.

Different job.

Different relationship.

Different identity.

Same pattern.

Why You Can’t Unsee It

Once you’ve spent time closer to reality, illusions become obvious.

Not just in yourself — in others.

You hear conversations differently.

You notice performance.

You sense avoidance.

You feel the mismatch.

And that’s when it gets lonely.

Because it’s hard to connect deeply with people who still need their illusions to survive.

Not because they’re bad people.

But because you’re standing in different places.

This Isn’t About Being “Better”

This isn’t about being more evolved.

Or enlightened.

Or “above” anyone.

Illusions are part of being human.

The difference is simply this:

• some people still need them
• some people are learning to live without them

And both are understandable.

The simple truth

Illusions aren’t enemies.

They’re teachers.

They show you:

• where you didn’t feel safe
• what you didn’t know how to handle
• which parts of you needed protection

And when you finally develop the tools you were missing…

You don’t have to fight the illusion.

You just don’t need it anymore.

And for the first time, you can stand on the ground floor of your own life - seeing things as they are, not as you needed them to be.